By Shellie Miller-Farrugia
At the risk of sounding like I’m about to lecture someone from a rocking chair while sipping chamomile tea, I have a serious question: Whatever happened to thank you notes?
Now, I don’t mean embossed stationery with a wax seal and a spritz of Chanel No. 5. I mean anything. A card. A text. A meme with a thumbs-up. Smoke signals. Just some indication that the wedding gift made it to you and didn’t vanish into a black hole of unacknowledged generosity.
Lately, I’ve heard the same thing from more than a few friends: they flew across the country for a destination wedding, shelled out a generous gift (cash, no less—arguably the most useful and flattering of presents), danced in high heels until their arches cried, and… nothing. Not even a “Hey, got your gift. Appreciate you.” Just silence. As if the love train hit the honeymoon and forgot to circle back for common courtesy.
I’m not trying to be dramatic, but when did “thank you” become optional?
When I was growing up, saying thank you wasn’t a suggestion—it was practically law. If you got a gift and didn’t send a thank you note, you were risking being left out of future wills. Your mom would physically haunt you. You wrote the note, you addressed the envelope, you licked the stamp (yes, we used our actual tongues back then), and you sent it off like a decent human being.
And here’s the kicker: it wasn’t about etiquette for etiquette’s sake. It was about acknowledgment. Someone thought of you. They spent time or money (or both), and you took ten seconds to say, “Wow, thank you.” Not complicated. Not burdensome. Just good manners.
Now? We’ve got phones glued to our hands 24/7, and somehow saying thanks has become… retro? A throwback? Do we need to start calling it “gratitude-core” and put it on TikTok for it to catch on?
Some argue that younger generations express appreciation differently. And sure, I get that. Maybe the thank you lives in a heart emoji on Instagram, or a vague “Love you guys!” group post. But there’s a difference between broadcasting vibes and actually acknowledging someone directly.
And look, we’re not asking for a Shakespearean sonnet. Just something. An “OMG thanks!” goes a long way.
This isn’t about being old-fashioned. It’s about not letting common courtesy die a slow, silent death in the group chat abyss. Gratitude shouldn’t be optional—or invisible. It’s one of the few traditions that actually makes people feel good.
So, to the newlyweds, birthday celebrants, and gift receivers everywhere: if someone gave you something, said something kind, or showed up for you—say thank you. Not because it’s required, but because it’s nice.
And really, if our generation could write 50 thank you notes after a graduation party in the ‘90s with nothing but ballpoint pens and hand cramps, I promise you can manage a text.
Gratitude isn’t canceled.