By Shellie Miller-Farrugia
This year’s cover theme and story for Not My Daughter…find a cure now! has really gotten me thinking about how every parent, teacher and coach is a role model for our children… Whether the kids are 2 or 12 or 20, our actions influence their decisions every day. It’s got me thinking about many of the little things that we parents may do without much thought for the consequences. If I’ve instructed my children to keep their rooms clean but my own is in disarray, who am I to be frustrated with them? I throw out the phrase, “Your father and I are paying the bills,” but it rings hollow, even to me.
We may be voluntarily unaware, but we are role models to our children when we speed through a very yellow light as it turns red. I really don’t want my 16-year-old daughter following that example if she should be running late for school or a date with friends. We all need to bear in mind that our actions can affect others we’ve never met…if your poor driving habits (texting, running lights, blowing through stop signs) become your son’s or daughter’s and it results in an accident that involves and injures others, your kid may take the blame; but whose fault is it really?
There are so many people making so many decisions every day that they feel are right for themselves, however, are they right for the future of your family? Does your child overhear when you talk about fudging on the taxes this year? Mom, is your child listening when you speak ill of your husband to another friend? A coach’s harsh words on the practice field may earn penalties for a player who parrots the same sentiments to a referee. We reap what we sow. Too many families have generational histories that are not positive and productive. For example, the father who tells an adult child that he no longer considers him a son. How many friends have I heard say, “Oh I don’t talk to my mother anymore… Or, I haven’t spoken to my son in eight years.” It’s heartbreaking! Our children are watching.
Better that we live an example like my neighbors who pooled their resources and talents after hurricane Wilma. We never lived so well! Filet Mignon from one melting freezer, potatoes roasting in a grill, a generator from another friend, paper plates from our pantry, salad from everyone and more ice cream than all 16 of us could have devoured in a month! Candlelight and no TV found us all talking about the things that really mattered; our families, our dreams, and the legacies we prayed would bless others after we were gone. Our children played games that didn’t require a video system! Jacks, kickball, hopscotch, cards, dodge ball…during those three weeks without power in our ranch community served only by well water, various neighbors (now all friends) fixed fences, ran 200 feet of hose, shared batteries and medicine, cleared driveways, took turns waiting in gas lines and our children checked on and fed the elderly. We came together in a crisis and are all better people because of it; which reminds me of the mothers of Not My Daughter…find a cure now!
This powerful organization came together when one woman was diagnosed with breast cancer and her friends took her to doctor and chemotherapy appointments, cooked for her family, and loved her through the horrible and taxing ordeal. In return, she began an organization to pay it forward where others work together, seeking a cure and a vaccination for our daughters. Denyse Hostig’s singular ordeal has born an amazing movement that has shown each and every one of her children and the women’s children who helped her, just how everyone can be role models to those around us. Both of these examples give us full-color meaning to the expression, “Love thy neighbor.” The fact that our sons and daughters are watching these unselfish acts of compassion assures all of us that the good in the world will continue to grow… on and on.